Unsaid

I’m screaming. But there is no sound, there is nothing heard because my mouth is sealed shut.

I always have a gazillion things to talk about, but when it comes to you, I can’t think of a single thing to say because I have too much left unsaid. My thoughts are piling up, they are collecting like tiny droplets of rain which eventually form a pond, but a pond always grows bigger with continuous rainfall and starts overflowing creating a stream. A stream finds its way to another and then another and another till it becomes a river. My thoughts for you are collecting like rain drops and now I have an ocean of thoughts unsaid.

I remember everything that I haven’t expressed, I nurture them and let them grow inside my mind, I water them and take care of them just to relive them time and again and smile endlessly till my cheeks hurt. Where do you think I get my secret shot of happiness from?

All from you, my little devil.

You are consuming me right now, you’re made of fire, and as I plunge deep into you, I discover that you are arduous and passionate about everything! Your flames are contagious enough to reach a very deep cavern in my heart, a deserted place which had no visitor for 5 long years, your flames are the only ones that touched me deep enough to ignite a tiny spark inside of me. A spark which grew over time and now it burns, my little devil, it burns just as passionate and arduous as yours.

Do you know sometimes I’m just waiting for you to talk endlessly about the things you’re fond of, so that I can stare at your face without being interrupted or interpreted as uncultured? That’s my guilty pleasure, I feed on such little moments and guilty pleasures.

I wish I have the strength to just let you know how much I care for you, my roots for you run way deeper than anyone can see or comprehend. My mind is going crazy and hungry. Hungry for more of you, the way you talk, smile, carry yourself, the confidence you portray, the way you get annoyed or play it cool, the way you try to cover up when you’re wrong or your sly smile when you know a secret, why even your notification on my screen can work wonders on me. I feel happy and elated like you’re a balm that soothes my mind or I feel weird things happening inside my head, decomposition reactions which let me feel the essence and root of every single emotion in its raw inhibited form.

Once a beguile girl cursed me, I was the only one who realized that the curse was a blessing in disguise. Instead of getting buried alive in my crumpled ruins I rose high and soared like a phoenix, but you are pulling me down. My little devil, you enticed me with your charms and drew me closer, I flew down to you because you controlled me instead of gravity. Deliberately you started plucking my feathers with your pitchfork and I didn’t even realize it, or maybe I let you do it, enjoying the burning sensation of pain. I lost all my feathers and now, after such a long time I’m getting a taste of the earth.

It took me a while to realize you are slowly undoing this curse.